World Hello Day

Aside from Christmas, I can't think of a holiday more needlessly optimistic than World Hello Day, which will be observed in its proper obscurity tomorrow, as it has been every November 21 for the past 33 years. The holiday originated, according to its founders, during the October War of 1973 to urge world leaders to communicate instead of obliterating one another. The protocols of World Hello Day require participants to say "Hello" to at least ten people, with the expectation that all this spontaneous good cheer will somehow reverse the course of human existence as it spins in an ever-tightening spiral toward the drain.

Lots of people have publicly endorsed World Hallo Day over the years. I will not be joining them. To my way of thinking, World Hello Day completely interferes with my commitment to Pumpkin Pie Day, which I was planning to observe -- in conjuntion with World Television Day -- in curmudgeonly silence.