You shall not crucify mankind on a cross of fiat currency...

Faster, South Carolina, faster!

South Carolina will no longer recognize U.S. currency as legal tender, if State Rep. Mike Pitts has his way.

Pitts, a fourth-term Republican from Laurens, introduced legislation earlier this month that would ban what he calls “the unconstitutional substitution of Federal Reserve Notes for silver and gold coin” in South Carolina.

If the bill were to become law, South Carolina would no longer accept or use anything other than silver and gold coins as a form of payment for any debt, meaning paper money would be out in the Palmetto State.

Pitts said the intent of the bill is to give South Carolina the ability to “function through gold and silver coinage” and give the state a “base of currency” in the event of a complete implosion of the U.S. economic system.

The bill itself is a model of hilarity that justifies a return to 19th century monetary policy by insisting that such a move would be an essential first step to "protect the safety, health and welfare of the people of this State." If I read it correctly, the bill would not only permit the good people of the Palmetto Republic to use gold and silver coins minted outside the United States, but -- given that the US hasn't really minted silver for general circulation in four decades -- it would essentially require that everyone pay their state income taxes using dental amalgam and novelty coins. Since the former are somewhat impractical for voluntary use and the latter are exceedingly rare and valuable, I would expect that South Carolina will rapidly spiral into a lawless hellhole, governed by ferocious criminal gangs specializing in hit-and-run tooth harvests and numismatic home invasions. Only time will tell if South Carolina's Black Friday gun-tax holiday -- the fruit of Mike Pitts' last great idea -- will help restore public order.